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Tales of the Tea: The Boy Who Never Dreamed At All Adapted from A Scottish Folktale
There was once living in Dundee a boy by the name of Harry who had gone to his best friend’s house to stay the night. They got to talking about dreaming when Harry admitted he had never dreamed at all in his whole life. ‘Well, I’ve just the thing,’ said his friend, ‘my grandfather has a special hat that he bought in Morocco that has the power to make you dream. I’ll go and fetch it.’ The friend went to his grandfather, who conveniently lived in the same house, and asked him if they could borrow the hat. He brought it back for Harry. It was an odd hat, at least Harry thought so, it was long and embroidered with gold, covered with images of animals and stars. It looked like the sort of thing a wizard would wear. Harry wouldn’t want to be seen wearing it in public, but he thought it would be alright to wear in his sleep so he put it on and they climbed into the bunk bed, Harry got the top bunk, and turned out the lights. Early in the morning there suddenly was a banging on the bedroom door. Harry jumped up and opened the door, standing there looking very out of breath was Greta Thunberg. She said to Harry, ‘Listen Harry, you must get this very important document to David Attenborough before the COP26 conference. And why are you wearing that ridiculous hat?’ ‘It is meant to help me to dream,’ explained Harry, and he tried to pull it off but it seemed to be stuck to his head, ‘why do you want me to bring this to David Attenborough? I don’t think I can.’
‘Foolish boy,’ Greta said, ‘there is no time to argue, the house is on fire, you must go, David’s address is on the envelope.’ With that she shoved the envelope into his hands and she was gone. Harry thought he had better do as Greta asked and headed out the door, the address was London so he started walking in that direction. He hadn't gone far, had only just passed Edinburgh, when he met a tiny old woman pulling an enormous bag. ‘What’s in the bag?’ Harry asked. ‘Why it’s iPhones for the needy in the islands,’ she said, ‘It’s hard to get them up there. Could you carry me to the Isle of Lewis with this bag? It’s awfy heavy.’ ‘Well, I’m headed to London but I guess I could make a detour.’ So Harry picked up the the old woman and put her on his shoulder and took her enormous bag, with a hop, skip, and a jump he dropped her off in Stornaway to distribute her iPhones. Harry then had to get on his way to London. He thought it would be quicker to swim so he dived into the sea and swam down the coast and came ashore on the other side of the Solway Firth.
A little way past Carlisle he met Lord Fox, who asked, ‘What is that you are carrying?’ ‘It’s a very important document for David Attenborough,’ Harry answered.
‘David, why I just saw him last week. He has a terrible habit of making continuous commentary while I am going about my business. May I read it?’ Fox said as he snatched the envelope from Harry’s hands.
‘Hey! Give that back’ Harry shouted. ‘Not until I have read it first,’ the fox retorted and ran off with the document. Harry chased the fox as fast as he could and they were just outside Manchester when the fox disappeared down a hole. Harry would have went after him but the hole was too small. He needed something to dig with. When he looked up there was a sign that said ‘Plant Hire’ and a yard full of bulldozers and huge diggers. Harry ran in and found the gaffer. ‘I need to hire a digger and quick!’ Harry shouted at him.
‘Now, not so fast,’ the gaffer said, ‘you look a bit young for hiring a digger. I’ll need a letter of reference before I could hire a digger out to you.’
‘But who could I get that from?’ Harry asked.
‘Well, what about one of your teachers?’ the gaffer suggested.
‘What!? I’ll have to go all the way back to Dundee for that!’ Harry exclaimed. But there was no time to lose. Luckily there was a penny farthing he could borrow to ride back, and it was an electric penny farthing so it made the journey very swiftly.
Back in Dundee Harry found his favourite teacher’s house, Miss McDonald, the English teacher, who was proud to give Harry a reference, and he cycled back to Manchester, hired the digger and began to dig. He went down the fox hole, deeper and deeper into the earth until it opened out into a huge cave. This cave was lined with shops, with horses and carts, it looked just like an old high street in Paris. Harry saw Lord Fox disappear around a corner so he jumped out of the digger and gave chase. Lord Fox ran up to a wall and was trying to climb over it when Harry caught up and pulled on his back paw, the letter was dropped, dirty and covered in slobber, Harry picked it up and got back to the digger, he went back up through the earth and arrived back above surface again. Now he had to get to London and no one was going to stop him now. He made it all the way to the address and knocked on the door. Out came Sir David Attenborough, with a huge eagle on his arm.
‘I have a document for you from Greta Thunberg,’ Harry proclaimed, in his best page boy voice. ‘Marvellous, though she could have sent an email. Never mind…’ said David Attenborough, taking the soiled envelope and looking at the teeth marks. ‘Do come in! I like your hat’ Harry went inside and there was a huge aquarium in the house, filled with all sorts of creatures, fish, turtles, seals, sharks, and even a whale or two.
‘Hold this for me will you?’ said David, as he handed the eagle over to Harry, ‘I have a breakfast meeting in an octopus’s garden.’ And he dived into the aquarium and swam down to the bottom of the tank.’
Harry watched in wonder and was about to follow, but he felt a pulling at his arm, the eagle had spread its wings and was flying away, it carried Harry up up into the air. The land looked far below and try as he might Harry could not get free. They went up above the clouds and kept going up, until, THUMP! They banged into the roof the sky. The collision startled the eagle who released it’s grip and Harry was free! But he began to fall and it was a long long way down. Luckily as Harry was tumbling down he managed to grip onto the edge of a cloud and was hanging there. But on that cloud was an angel with white wings and long flowing hair, Harry had never met an angel before. But when the angel turned around he could see the angel was a grumpy old man with huge lips who was none too happy about having Harry hanging on to his cloud.
‘Hey you, get off of my cloud!’ the angel cried, and went over and began to stomp on Harry’s fingers. Harry shouted and was just about to fall, when he woke up, and found he had been hanging on the edge of the bunk bed as he tumbled down and landed in a heap on the floor.
Harry stood up, dusted himself off, took off the hat and handed it to his friend. ‘That’s enough dreaming for me. It’s exhausting!’ A different version of this story can be found in the book ‘The Craneskin Bag’ by Robin Williamson